When the right choice is also the hardest choice.

Have you ever been asked to do something that would be hard and you didn't want to do it but you knew that the right thing to do was to say yes? Well, that happened to me on Thursday. 

Brian, who has been out of town on a mission trip, received a call from our adoption office asking if we could temporarily keep a baby over night that was being discharged from the hospital. The adoptive mother lives out of the state and wouldn't be able to get the baby until the next day. They needed someone in this area who had a current home study to do overnight cradle care with the baby. Brian called me and asked if I wanted to and my initial reaction was no. Isaac was staying with the grandparents and this was supposed to be my night by myself. Then I got convicted. 

I called Brian back and told him they could use me as a last resort if they couldn't find anyone else. They called me later in the day and said they were still waiting to see if the baby was going to be discharged. If it was they would need me to keep the baby until I could meet with the adoptive mother the next day. I said okay but was really hoping it wouldn't happen. Finally, at almost 8pm they said the baby was getting discharged and asked me to get the baby from the hospital. 

All the way there I questioned God. Why was He having me do this?  I was supposed to be doing this when I was going to pick up my baby, not someone else's. It wasn't fair. I got there and the nurse took me into a room with a very emotional birth mother and a beautiful baby girl. They took the baby out to make sure everything was okay while someone went over the paperwork with the birth mother that she would sign. I cried when I saw this sweet, perfect, tiny little baby. 

Once the paperwork was signed they took the baby back to the birth mother to say goodbye and asked me to go in there. The birth mother wanted to meet me. I had to compose myself and go in there which I think I was only able to do with God's help. She was distraught. I told her I had adopted a baby 4 years ago and that we tell him about how his birth mother loved him so much and loves him still. I told her how very brave she was for doing this. And she was very brave. It amazes me how birth mothers show their love for their baby who they have carried for 9 months by giving the baby to someone else who can give them a better life. It made me even more grateful for Isaac's birth mother. 

After waiting at the hospital for what seemed like forever I was finally able to take the baby. The nurses at the hospital were amazing. They were so caring and loaded me up with a bag full of diapers, wipes, bottles, formula, and other things. The lady that was there representing the lawyers office of the birth mother was also a wonderful person. She gave me her card and told me to call her if I needed anything.

I decided I would go stay at my parents house so I didn't have to be alone with the baby in case something happened.  The little baby girl was so sweet and quickly stole our hearts. She slept through the night waking up every 3 or so hours to eat. She loved to be cuddled and didn't want to be put down so I held her and rocked her most of the night. I didn't get much sleep but I guess it's good practice!

Isaac got to meet her the next morning when he woke up. I was worried he would be confused about this being his baby and he was a little but we tried to explain it to him the best we could. I told him we were just keeping her for one night and I was taking her to meet her new mommy.  He liked her I think but kept waiting on her to do something. He asked why she wasn't crawling and I told him she was too young for that. He did get excited when she pooped haha!

Too quickly it was time for me to take her to meet her new mom and I'm not going to lie, that was hard. But when her mom saw her for the first time I knew I had done the right thing, it was a beautiful moment. While it was bittersweet for me it was wonderful to be the person to give this mother her daughter. 

I won't go into too much detail but I found out this was her and her husbands third attempt at adoption. They had even brought one baby home but the birth mother changed her mind and they had to give the baby back. In the state they live in the birth mother has a certain period that she can change her mind even after she has signed all the paperwork. Here the birth mother signs her rights away after 48 hours and it is final. 

The adoptive mother and social worker were lovely people and I feel confident that the baby will be loved very much. I had a great conversation with the adoptive mother and told her a little about my adoption experience with Isaac and how we are waiting for baby number two.  She told me as she was holding her new baby how it didn't even feel real yet and I remember feeling that exact same way with Isaac.  

I'm still not really sure why this all happened to me, why God asked me to do something so hard. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I look forward to the day when Brian and I get to bring home our baby. Thank you for all the prayers and support. We hope we are matched very soon!

Grace and peace,

Cassidy